When wondering if you should see them again, ask yourself: Did I have a good time but I just don’t feel chemistry yet? If yes, then go on another date. Chemistry can develop (I’ve seen it numerous times!)
Are they demonstrating that they can potentially meet your criteria for an ideal match? If yes, then go on another date.
Would you like to see them ONE more time (you don’t have to know if they are the one yet – just take it one date at a time)? Do I want to see them one more time? Can I see myself potentially enjoying myself on one more date? Is there enough there that I can give it one more chance to really see if there’s potential? That’s it. If yes, give them one more date.
Are you in the question mark and undecided? If yes, go on one more date. Connection can build!
I cannot stress enough that chemistry can develop.
A lot of the work that my clients do is give more chances to partners that may not be their typical type but demonstrate traits that make for a good partner. (So many women end up with partners who were not their type!)
They may appear boring or bland at first, but it might really just mean that they are stable and safe.
You might not be getting that rush or initial spark. But that spark isn’t always a good thing. It isn’t always correlated to that person being compatible.
What drives compatibility are mostly things that are conscious-based. Things that you have to get to know someone to learn. Their values, if they have integrity, if they make you feel good about yourself when you’re around them, through the good and bad.
Not necessarily from the immediate chemistry that comes from us unconsciously recognizing similar or complementary past functioning, historical stories and wounds in each other.
I’ve seen women not be interested on date one… but then not being able to keep their hand off a guy on date four.
Would you rather take a chance on one more date and potentially find your match, or bank on chemistry and then keep being left with incompatible partners over and over?
Focus on one date at a time.
Looking farther than that is a great way to either:
- Futurize and let yourself down if reality doesn’t reflect your expectation, or
- Put so much pressure on yourself to not lead them on if you’re not 100% sure you want to date them, that you bolt before you’ve even given them a chance.
If you’re in the first bucket, remind yourself that “up until now, they’ve demonstrated to be a great guy AND I’m still collecting information to find out if they’re truly a match (e.g., if they truly align with who they appear to be and the values they appear to embody).”
And if you’re in the second bucket, remember that they’re an adult and by choosing to date, they’ve already signed up for the risk of getting let down. You are not responsible for their feelings.
Take it one day at a time, no matter where you are in the relationship, and you can trust that your decisions will lead you to the best place for you.
And lastly, if you haven’t met or interacted with them yet, remember that personality can make some people way more attractive (for example, it can give them 3 more points on the scale of 1-10). So even if they are a 4 or 5 in their profile, they can go up to a 7 or 8. Keep this in mind when deciding when to give people a chance or not!
If you are growth-oriented and want to learn more about yourself — your conscious and unconscious patterns — and how to connect with a partner in a more aligned and harmonious way, I can help you.
This is exactly what I help my clients with in my 1-on-1 coaching program, using a methodical step-by-step process to get you in the relationship you want to be in.
I gathered all the tools that worked for me to get from single for 7 years in NYC, having pseudo-relationship after pseudo-relationship, to coupled up and in my dream relationship.
Now let’s help you find YOUR person.
All you have to do is get in touch, then I’ll guide you through the rest!