Knowing what your partner struggles with due to an insecure attachment is vital information in communicating with your partner with tact.
See below some phrases which recognize and respect the insecurities of your avoidant or anxious partner, while also helping you get across what you need.
Phrases or tactics to use with an avoidant partner:
- Approach them slowly and quietly rather than loudly calling their name (which may cause them to give you a snarky, angry response).
- I can see you’ve had enough. Let’s take a break and talk later.
- I need to talk to you in a few minutes.
- Do you need me to stop? Is it annoying you?
- I really appreciate your intention, but you were out of line (assuming a scenario whether they were harsh and dismissive). Let’s try a different way to express your boundary next time.
Phrases or tactics to use with an anxious partner:
- Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.
- Send a text that you are thinking about them (e.g., “I love you,” “I’m thinking about you”).
- I’ll call as soon as we land so that you don’t worry, even if it’s late.
- You’re important. You matter.
- You are my person.
It is important to remember that attachment styles are fluid and you can work to build a secure attachment.
Further, becoming aware of your patterns and those of your partner can help you navigate differences with more ease and connection, and communicate with more grace. This is what I help my clients with.
If you want help with this, I’d love to help you.
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