The easiest way to understand someone’s emotional intelligence and whether they regularly express empathy is to observe how they are when there are hiccups.

In the misunderstandings, miscommunications, or in conflict, how do they show up?

Do they….

  • Lean in…
  • Get curious and ask questions…
  • What happened?
  • Tell me.
  • What did I say? 
  • Let’s try that again.
  • Let’s talk about it.
  • How did it make you feel?
  • I’m so sorry, I never want to make you feel that way.
  • I can totally see how you’d feel that way if you thought that even though it wasn’t my intent or what I meant.
  • I’m so sorry I made you feel like that.

Or, does it sounds like…

  • Here we go again…
  • No, YOU did this or said this… 
  • I didn’t do that…
  • No, what happened is…

Do they take accountability and prioritize your perspective and feelings, or do they shift blame and deflect?

For example, if they didn’t respond to a text and you brought it up, what do they say? If they left you on read but then reach out for something else, do they acknowledge it and
apologize, or do they pretend like it didn’t happen?

If you express a need, want or boundary, can they honor it, or do they try to change your mind, minimize it, or convince you why it’s not important or correct to want it?

Can they express their own emotions? If you ask them what their favorite part of their day was, or the best part of their vacation was, can they show you their feelings? If you ask them how something made them feel, are they able to articulate it?

When you express that you were hurt, or didn’t like something they did, and would appreciate something different, how do they react? Can they hold space for your emotions? Or do they become defensive and shift focus to another topic, or to what they are doing right, instead.

They aren’t magically going to care once you are in a relationship with you… they are showing you how they care right now. They are letting you into their emotional capacity as soon as you have any misunderstandings.

They are showing you how they show up in all of these little moments.

If you want help determining who is a good match for you, so you spend more time with high quality matches, and less time with people who are already showing you they aren’t for you, I can help you.

I will give you all the tools and clarity to know when to give someone a second or third date, for example, and when to cut your losses because they are already showing signs of emotional immaturity or flags.

You deserve the love life you’ve always dreamed of. And you are worthy of finding it now.

Sign up for a consult to start coaching today and let’s attract your high-quality, emotionally intelligent partner!