The thing with limiting beliefs, such as “men only want a casual relationship,” is that if you are viewing men from that vantage point, and that’s what you believe to be true (because that’s what you’ve seen in the past and are seeing currently), the ironic thing is that you will start seeing more and more of it, and attract more and more of it too.
What you believe, is what you attract in the world. In other words, what you focus on expands. (It’s confirmation bias.) So because you keep focusing on the fact that the guys you attract only want casual, you actually keep attracting more and more men that prove that to be true.
The way to start combatting this is: first, every time you detect that a guy only wants sex, immediately shut it down and do not give that person any more attention, or even thought whatsoever.
This sends the world a clear message that that’s not what you want, so it can start giving you more of what you do. If you no longer tolerate this in your life, and you are clear and consistent about it, the universe has no choice but to start sending you other options. So don’t even think about him. Move on to the next guy.
And second, start working on your beliefs. Are you willing to be open to the belief that there are men out there who don’t only just want casual? Can you start leaning into the belief that there is a guy out there who wants a long term committed relationship? Who wants you for you? For all of you? You only need one…
Start leaning into these beliefs as you date, and you will start seeing more quality guys that fit these beliefs. (Trust me!)
Further, lean into the qualities that you DO want in a partner. Write down the top five values you want to share with a partner. Things like a growth-mindset, ambition, health, curiosity, family-oriented. Look at these every day. Before you swipe on the apps. Before you go out and meet new people. Because what you focus on expands, it means that you will now see more people who meet these values in your life and you will attract them.
Lastly, be open to men who look different than your usual type, knowing that chemistry can develop.
A guy who is a 5 out of 10 in a photo can jump up to a 8 out of 10 when you get to know his personality and interact with him in person. Start looking for partners with clues that they might meet your criteria for non-negotiables and shared values. These are the things that are going to make for a strong and compatible connection long-term.
If you want different results, you’re going to have to start using different tactics. Be open to trying different things and be open to different types of guys and getting to know them. If you do more of the same, you’ll get more of the same.
If you want help attracting higher quality guys, or getting to the commitment stage with them, this is exactly what I help my clients with.
We will uncover all of the blocks getting in your way of attracting the love life you want, and correct them, so you can finally get into the relationship that you’re meant for.
Sign up for a consult call and let’s start coaching today!