Resources for date conversation topics
We’ve all been on that Zoom call where everyone immediately starts talking about the pandemic, and the mood goes sour real quick.
Quarantine is a great time to continue dating and getting to know potential suitors. And while going on virtual dates, your conversations don’t have to focus on the scary things that are happening in our world, and consequently get stale because of the somber mood that it produces.
While you can learn a lot about a person’s worldview and character by how they approach the pandemic, racial injustice, the recession, the threat of murder hornets, and more unpleasant things gracing the news, there comes a point where turning to more light-hearted topics can offer a chance to really get to know your suitor’s personality and what exactly they are looking for in a partner—and maybe even more importantly what it would be like to be with this person during the status quo, run-of-the-mill days of staying in and just chatting with each other.
As I’ve shared with clients before the pandemic, one way of exploring some fun and revealing conversation topics to spice up your conversations—and now your Zoom calls—is to repurpose the famous New York Times article written back in 2015 called “The 36 questions that lead to love.” It was based on Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” As the article states, “she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions.” And while you may not be able to get through all 36 questions on a 40-minute Zoom call, you can certainly pick a few that spark joy and allow the two of you the opportunity to dive into topics that one doesn’t normally cover on a first or second date, such as discovering your date’s goals, dreams, desires, and even fears.
I used this article on a date with my current manfriend some months into our relationship while sipping some cocktails at the NoMad Hotel, killing some time before dinner. While we skipped quite a few questions that we just weren’t into, we did manage to get through quite a few that allowed us to peek further into each other’s psyches.
The Gottman Institute offers an app called “Gottman Card Decks” which provides additional open-ended questions to use with a partner. For those who’ve already been together for a while, this deck offers questions that are meant to continue learning about each other throughout the relationship.
Another option for quarantine dates is simply putting a spin on what you would normally like to do on a date under regular conditions. Depending on your idea of fun, you could maybe offer to make dinner together, whether it be with the same recipe as one another or creating different meals. You could also order takeout together while opening a bottle of wine, or, if you usually aim for something more active or adventure-seeking, you could attempt a joint workout class or sign up together for a virtual cooking or wine-tasting class.
Some clients have even gone so far as pretending to be taking a trip together in Tahiti or having a date with wine and cheese in front of the Eiffel Tower by changing their Zoom backgrounds to match the date and location. Chances are that if you can’t make quarantine fun together, you won’t be able to make a random Tuesday night on the couch fun together when this is all over either. At the end of the day, enjoying each other’s presence no matter what the scenario is really what it’s all about.
And if you’re at a stage where you’re comfortable doing a socially-distanced date, my hope for you would be to make sure that you’re being safe, whatever that means for you, and using the opportunity to practice communicating healthy boundaries if your date suggests something that you feel is too risky. Consider at what point you would feel comfortable letting him enter your quarantine social circle, for example, and what you would need from each other to be able to do that.
Not only does this ensure that you are practicing safe boundaries for your health, but for your heart as well. If you wouldn’t go back to his place or invite him up to your place on the first or second date before COVID hit, why would you now? Taking it slow builds strong relationships and allows you the time to gather the necessary data and information in order to determine whether or not he meets your deal-breakers (see previous blog post entitled “Stop settling for less than you want and deserve: Defining your deal-breakers”).
And when in doubt, I’ve never heard anyone expressing regrets about taking it slow. If he’s interested, he’ll continue to show up for you, and he’ll get the message that you’re a high-quality woman. And if that’s what he’s looking for, he will want you even more because of it.
Book a consult with me today to see if the Most Authentic You Dating Program is right for you. Let’s get you into your epic love story as soon as possible!