Dating do’s and don’ts: Should I text them?

A topic that comes up often with my clients is whether to reach out and text a potential partner or not in the early stages of dating.

Maybe you want to hear from them or haven’t heard from them in a while, and have an urge to send a text but you’re not sure if you should. 

A suggestion I always offer is checking in with yourself first. Ask: what am I seeking from this text?

Am I reaching out to them from a place of abundance or from lack?

Did you see something that they would like or that came up in previous conversation and you want to share that with them? Are you coming from a place where you are feeling ‘full’, have a calm and confident sense of self, and from a place of love and connection?

Or are you coming from lack? Are you having the urge to connect out of a need? Because you want validation that they like you? Or confirmation that they are thinking of you? Because you feel empty and are trying to fill the void? Or want a hit of dopamine from the thrill of a response? Because you want to feel connection? Or because you are scared of the unknown?

If the urge is coming from a need, I would first ask how you can fulfill that need for yourself. How can you give yourself the love, approval, validation, affection, or connection you seek?

Because if you are secretly wishing THEY would text you, and you want THEM to be the one pursuing you, texting them does not give them the space to pursue you, and robs you of the pleasant surprise of their text if and when it comes through. Further, if they don’t text, you’ll at least know where you stand. And if you are the one texting them, you take away the opportunity to see that and how they’re showing up.

Another question to ask yourself is: if I send this and they don’t respond right away, will I regret sending it? Play it out in your head. If yes, maybe don’t. If not, send away!

P.S. If you are growth-oriented and want to learn more about yourself — your conscious and unconscious patterns — and how to connect with a partner in a more aligned and harmonious way, I can help you. 

This is exactly what I help my clients with in my 1-on-1 coaching program, using a methodical step-by-step process to get you in the relationship you want to be in. 

I gathered all the tools that worked for me to get from single for 7 years in NYC, having pseudo-relationship after pseudo-relationship, to coupled up and in my dream relationship.

Now let’s help you find YOUR person.

All you have to do is sign up for a consult call, then I’ll guide you through the rest!