Inevitably in every relationship there are misunderstandings. Moments where you get tripped up. When you misinterpret your partner’s intentions. Their actions. Their words. Or what they tried to get across.
We make assumptions. We create stories about them in our head that aren’t true. It happens.
But when we hold onto those stories and are dedicated to seeing our partners in a negative light over a sustained period of time, it can wreak havoc on the connection and intimacy of the relationship.
In resolving these hiccups, there is one thing that is pivotal – trusting and believing your partner’s intent.
We have to be able to believe our partner when they say something’s not true for them when we have interpreted something incorrectly.
We have to be able to believe them if they say their intent was not to hurt us.
We have to be able to believe them when they share their truth.
When they open up their heart and tell us what was coming up for them.
We have to be able to believe them because otherwise, there is no trust. And without trust, the foundation of the relationship is built on shaky ground and cannot withhold the partnership. It is not sustainable.
When we defend the stories and assumptions in our head, above our partner’s words, again and again – we create a divide between us and our partner. The stories in our head are not always right. And if we fail to see that, then our partner will start to feel alienated and unseen.
Our partner will feel as though their words and intentions don’t matter. Like all the goodwill they put in is for nothing. And over time, they may give in and feel as though it’s impossible to prove to us who they really are. They will feel defeated. Like no matter what, you don’t see them. And it becomes a very lonely experience to feel as though your partner sees you in a bad light when you are showing them your truth.
This is why believing our partner’s words is so important.
It’s not always an easy thing to do to see things from another perspective. Especially when we are activated, guarded, and our coping mechanisms are desperately trying to keep us safe.
But if we can pause, be curious, and hear our partner out, genuinely listening to their perspective and being open to it, we can create the softness needed to come back together.
If you want help creating a more harmonious connection with your partner, this is what I help my clients with.
I help uncover what is getting in the way of you and your partner being able to communicate in a way where you can both feel seen, heard, understood and celebrated in the relationship.
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