Knowing when or if to leave can be a complex decision and even more difficult to implement. Either way, whether you stay and work on it, or you decide to leave, is hard.
See below for seven signs that it might be the right decision for you to leave the relationship.
- Did you do everything you could think of (or are willing to) to try to repair it?
Note: It is not salvageable when your partner refuses to try an alternative method, wants to stick to their way, and is unwilling to accept any influence.
- Do you imagine they need to change in a major way before you can see a future with them?
And is it causing you to disconnect from yourself? From keeping your dignity, sticking to what’s true for you, or liking the person you’re being?
- Do you not feel understood or authentically yourself with them?
They keep misunderstanding you, assuming bad intent or ill will, or assuming the worst in you.
- Do you feel drained by your partner?
Are you constantly putting in more energy than you are getting back and it is not temporary? Is staying more painful than leaving? Could you be happier elsewhere?
- Are the changes needed not fixable?
Maybe trust is gone. Feelings for them have permanently changed. The relationship and how it serves both parties ran its course. Maybe the reason you chose them is no longer applicable.
- Is conflict a constant and you don’t fight fair?
The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse are evident (i.e., criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling; see previous blog post “Arguing no-nos” for more information on these) and over time it has degraded trust, intimacy, closeness, friendship, and respect. They struggle to provide empathy or willingness to negotiate on competing needs.
- Is it oppressive or abusive in any way?
Is it emotionally or physically abusive? Do they try to control or manipulate your behaviors? Has it become or do you feel unsafe?
If you want help knowing if or when to go, this is what I help my clients with.
I can help determine if the disconnect is solvable or not, and the different ways you can try to repair it.
Reach out for consult call to start coaching one-on-one!